Blog

01Feb
2020

How to Approach Your Spouse About a Collaborative Divorce

More and more people who come to our office after deciding their marriage has reached its end want to avoid the additional financial and emotional cost of a traditional divorce. There are good options.  If you’ve learned about collaborative divorce and think it might be a good approach for you and your soon-to-be-ex, make sure you approach them in a way that allows them to really appreciate the things that make collaborative divorce different. An initial consultation will include suggestions on how to talk to your spouse about a collaborative divorce. 

Do your research.

Become as knowledgeable as possible about what you are proposing before you bring it up. If your spouse is completely new to the idea of a collaborative divorce, he or she will likely have many questions. We will provide you with resources to help you talk to your husband or wife. Our website has lots of information about the collaborative process; it is ok to let your spouse see it!

Schedule an Information Session.  

A collaborative lawyer does not represent both sides and can’t give legal advice to a party who may be on the other side of a case. We can, however, give both sides information about various approaches to divorce, including collaborative, without giving legal advice or hearing confidential information. Feel free to schedule a joint informational session with your spouse, if that would be helpful.

Let Us Invite Your Spouse to Collaborate.

Some clients think it is helpful if we send a letter or email to their spouse to explain what the collaborative approach is and how it might be helpful in their situation. Let us know if that would be a good idea in your case. 

Explain the financial advantages.

Courts and litigation proceedings are expensive. Make sure your spouse clearly understands that a collaborative divorce can save you both time and money.

Tell your spouse what attracts you to collaborative divorce.

Is it the chance that it gives you an opportunity to talk things out in a comfortable, respectful environment? Is it because you want a more efficient problem-solving approach to your divorce? Are you looking for a process that addresses the unique needs and interests of your family? Do you want to avoid a process that makes it harder to co-parent after the divorce? Is it because it protects your privacy and you want to stay out of court? Let your spouse know what appeals to you, personally, about choosing collaborative divorce over traditional divorce and why it might work best for them.

Listen to their thoughts and opinions. Understand that you have to both agree to it in order for it to happen.

A collaborative divorce can’t work if both sides aren’t willing to collaborate. Understand that no matter how badly you want to divorce this way, it can only happen if your spouse agrees. We will help you think about how to talk to your husband or wife. 

For more information about collaborative divorce or to get started, call our offices at (615) 321-5659. Attorney Irwin Kuhn has extensive experience with collaborative divorce and is eager to work with you.